Doubts and Worries

My middle name is Thomas. And I'll be the first to admit to you that, as far as the Biblical connotations of that name are concerned, I am true to that name. Good ol' Doubting Thomas who would not believe that Jesus Christ had truly risen again until he had placed his hands in the scars and holes. Of course, Thomas is not the worst icon of doubting. There are plenty of other cases of it throughout the entire Bible—which I thank God for, because it gives me the assurance that if even some of these great men and women in the Bible struggled with it, then I'm in good company. I think of Abraham and Sarah when they were told by the Angel of the Lord Himself that they were going to have a child. I think of Moses when he was told by God Himself that he would be given everything he needed to accomplish this mission with the Pharaoh and the release of the slaves. Or the Israelites themselves when they were being rescued, and all the amazing things God did to rescue them and provide for them, and yet before long they were doubting Him, cursing Him, and straying from Him. I think of Zacharias when he was told by Gabriel the Angel that Elizabeth would have a son. These are just a few of the examples of this scenario I can think of.

However, I think the one that sticks with me the most is that found in the Gospels (Matthew 8, Mark 4, Luke 8, et al) of Jesus and the Disciples setting sail across the Sea of Galilee. And a terrible storm starts to brew. And the Disciples start freaking out, afraid for their lives, worried that they would not survive this storm. But look at this picture. The Son of God, God in the flesh, is in the boat with them. Visibly. Physically. And yet... they are afraid.

And yet, even after all of these examples, here I am saying "Lord, if only you would visibly appear to me, or audibly tell me what to do in these various situations that I'm worrying about or having doubts about, then everything would be alright."

If the Disciples visibly had Christ with them, if Zacharias, the Israelites, Moses, Abraham and Sarah, all these people, if they all had visible or audible messages from God and yet still faltered, still doubted... then how can I possibly think I would be any different?

But see, God doesn't contact people that way much anymore, so I would especially know for sure!

Well, granted, I can't 100% confirm or deny that belief, I can only presume based on the pretty insurmountable evidence provided in the Bible itself. Presume that, yes, at first I might be blown away, with full faith, saying "This is real! Thank you God for appearing/speaking to me!".... but after a while, maybe a few days, weeks, heck, maybe even a couple hours, I believe I know what would happen...

Was that really real?

Ah... It was probably just my overactive imagination. Or a dream.

Or, my personal favorite, because this is often the one I struggle with after I feel God has given me clear direction (and actually just struggled with this week):

What if it was Satan deceiving me into thinking it was God?

Doubting & Worrying are a terrible enemy. I would say they come second to Pride on the list of Top Worst Enemies. Although, now that I'm thinking of it... Is it possible that Doubt and Worry are routed in Pride? Do we doubt and worry because we are not in control of the situation? I'm not sure, it's something to think about. But I'm suspicious that they are indeed linked together. I am suspicious that just about every struggle/problem we have can, one way or another, link its way back to Pride. C.S. Lewis called Pride "The Great Enemy", and for good reason.

Here's the thing, though, about the Disciples in the boat with Christ. What did they do when they were freaking out? Did they try to fix the problem themselves? No. They went to Jesus and woke Him. Now the way in which they woke Him, saying "Don't you even care that we're pretty much about to die?", may not have been the best way. But yet... they did go to Christ. They knew to go to Him. They knew that He was capable of dealing with the situation.

And therein lies the key to what we usually struggle with. I think you can agree with me when I say intellectually we know God is capable of handling our problems. He's capable of fixing everything. He's capable of delivering us. Capable of leading us to the right decisions. That's not what's in question for us. What's in question for us is:

Will He?

We know He can, but we doubt He will.

Of course there is also a lower level than that, and I really hate to even admit this. But, you know there are times when I have seriously looked upward and said "Are you really even there, God? Or am I just going through all of this alone?"

It's amazing that we even struggle with either of those things (doubting His provision, doubting His existence) when, if we were to examine all the things that God did for us in just the past year alone, we would see that we really have no legitimate reason to be freaking out and doubting. Not only that but, as far as doubting His provision is concerned, the fact that we can have those doubts and worries when the God of the WHOLE UNIVERSE is for us! 

"What then shall we say to these things? If God is for us, who can be against us? He who did not spare His own Son but gave Him up for us all, how will He not also with Him graciously give us all things?" — Romans 8:31-32 (ESV)

Isn't that sick? It's sick ('sick' as in: it blows my mind) that God, the Lord and Creator of all things, more than the greatest celebrity, more than the greatest person we look up to, more than the kings and queens and other rulers of the earth, more than any of these people that we hold up so high and get nervous in their presence... this God is for us. This God loves us. And it's not a blanket love. He's not just like "I love y'all!" He's like "I love you, Joe. I love you, Tom. I love you, Rebecca. Steve. Mark. Angela. Amy." He loves us all as individuals! Because He's big enough that He can do that. Isn't that amazing?

If only we could devote more time to remembering that. And we can! I'm not going to say it's hopeless. Never. Because I know it isn't. It may feel like it's hopeless at times. But it isn't. That's an important thing to remember: If it feels hopeless, it's not of the Holy Spirit unless it's to show you that it's 'hopeless' if you try and do it in your own strength. The Spirit doesn't fill us with hopelessness. Quite the contrary, the Spirit fills us with Hope. If you're being filled with anything to the contrary, you know who it is. It's that serpent of old whispering into your ear "It's hopeless. You're doomed. You're nothing. You have nothing. You'll never have anything. Give up. It's over." If we hear this and seriously worry that it's the prodding of the Holy Spirit... then we don't know God. And it's time to get to know Him, either again, or for the first genuine time in our lives.

Wow, I have rabbit-trailed so much, I think. But that's what happens. Because as I type, my own thoughts start to expand as I start to realize more about what I'm talking about, and it's like I'm learning about what I'm writing about as I write it. 

I am not any kind of a role model in trusting God. If I was a role model of anything it would be Doubting and Worrying. Michael Hyatt, former CEO of Thomas Nelson Publishing, recently referred to himself as an Olympic Gold Medalist of Worrying. I would say I'm an Olympic Super-Master-Platinum +1 Medalist of Worrying and Doubting. And as a guy it's really hard to admit that because it makes me feel less like a man. But, hey, if by my openness God can use me to help someone else dealing with similar problems, then I will continue to humiliate the heck out of myself. Because even though I'm not strong, I'm not mighty, I'm not by any long stretch Superman... My God is. And He is with me. He is for me. And you know what? You know what it means when I'm in a situation where Worry and Doubt are threatening to take a hold of me? It means that I'm in a situation where God can and will prove to Me that He is all those things. He is Mighty. He is Strong. He is MORE than "Superman". It means I'm in a situation that is an opportunity for Him to show me His Grace, His Mercy, and His Love.

Is it easy to see this in the midst of the trial? No, not always. But we've got to trust Him regardless. Because, seriously, who else are we going to trust? Ourselves? I don't know about you, but I don't trust myself as far as I can throw myself. I don't "believe in myself" to accomplish anything, let alone solve my own problems. I believe in God who I know can accomplish anything and everything and solve all problems in the ways that He knows best. God is the only trustworthy believable Person there is. Because He's the Alpha and Omega, Beginning and End, the King of Kings, the Creator, the Great I AM, the Way, the Truth, the Life. Seriously? We're not going to put our trust and belief in Him? I've trusted and "believed in myself" too many times. It may "work" for a little while, but in the end either I am overwhelmed with more than I can handle and/or I realize I have strayed so far away from the God who has promised to take care of me. It's not worth it, and I refuse to do it any longer. I'm not playing that game anymore. It's like... It's like jumping out of an airplane with a parachute and not opening the parachute. I can "believe in myself" to suddenly sprout wings and fly to safety so hard that I puke, but the Laws of Gravity and Physics are going to have the final laugh when the ground and me have a sudden 'marriage' (if you will). The parachute was given to me for a reason. Because it's its job to 'take care of me' and guide me to safety. But instead all the time that I'm falling I waste so much time screaming at my parachute about how I don't trust it to open if I pull the cord. So, because my doubts and worries overwhelm me... I don't pull the cord. Because, for some reason that seems like a good idea to not even try. Lord have mercy. And He has. He does. You know why and how? Because even when we don't 'pull the cord', even when we splat on the ground like one of my famous chocolate chip pancakes on the grittle... He's there to revive us, heal our wounds, and re-energize, and give us another chance to trust Him.

God is Good. For serious. So trust Him. You won't :)

But you have to!

And don't start regretting all those times you didn't trust Him! All that's doing is starting the cycle of worrying and doubting all over again, paralyzing you. 

"Not that I have already obtained [Righteousness] or am already perfect, but I press on to make it my own, because Christ Jesus has made me His own. Brothers, I do not consider that I have made it my own. But one thing I do: forgetting what lies behind and straining forward to what lies ahead, I press on toward the goal for the prize of the upward call of God in Christ Jesus. Let those of us who are mature think this way, and if in anything you think otherwise, God will reveal that also to you. Only let us hold true to what we have attained." —Philippians 3:12-16 (ESV)

Don't dwell on past mistakes. Don't worry about the past. You can't change what happened in the past nor can you ask God to change what happened in your past, but God can help you in your present and future to make the right decisions.

"Thus says the LORD, who makes a way in the sea, a path in the mighty waters, who brings forth chariot and horse, army and warrior; they lie down, they cannot rise, they are extinguished, quenched like a wick: 'Remember not the former things, nor consider the things of old. Behold I am doing a new thing; now it springs forth, do you not perceive it? I will make a way in the wilderness and rivers in the desert. The wild beasts will honor me, the jackals and the ostriches, for I give water in the wilderness, rivers in the desert, to give drink to my chosen people, the people whom I formed for Myself that they might declare my praise." —Isaiah 43:16-21 (ESV)

God's ready and able to make a path through the sea, He's ready to provide you and me with water in the wilderness, and show you and me the way through the desert. He is trustworthy. So are we going to trust Him? Or continue to stumble in the darkness as we trust ourselves or our circumstances or surroundings?

I want to trust Him. I know that I can because He is trustworthy. And I know that He's giving me the strength to do so. I just need to break out of my stubbornness and take His hand.

But I'm worried that I'm not going to. And I have doubts that He will take care of me.

:-D

My middle name is Thomas.

Lord have mercy.

"And he said to his disciples, “Therefore I tell you, do not be anxious about your life, what you will eat, nor about your body, what you will put on. For life is more than food, and the body more than clothing. Consider the ravens: they neither sow nor reap, they have neither storehouse nor barn, and yet God feeds them. Of how much more value are you than the birds! And which of you by being anxious can add a single hour to his span of life? If then you are not able to do as small a thing as that, why are you anxious about the rest? Consider the lilies, how they grow: they neither toil nor spin, yet I tell you, even Solomon in all his glory was not arrayed like one of these. But if God so clothes the grass, which is alive in the field today, and tomorrow is thrown into the oven, how much more will he clothe you, O you of little faith!" —Luke 12:22-28 (ESV)